THE "F" BOMB

OTHER

Or maybe more appropriately the^F bomb. The F bomb dictates if I can sleep or if I can stay awake. It has total control over what I can and can't eat and if I will or will not feel sick when doing so. It determines if I will have knee pain/back aches/headaches. The F bomb is deeply effected by change is temperature, change in diet, change in bed, change in activity level, and change in weather. The F bomb deeply affects all areas of my life, it has a hand in how I am doing physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The F bomb is my constant companion, goes everywhere I go and 99.9% of the time shows up uninvited.

The F bomb doesn't just effect me, it effects everyone I get close to. My team here in Panama, and my friends and family in Canada, have to deal with the F bomb everyday right along beside me. When the F bomb is getting me physically they massage my legs or back, make hot water bottles, carry my stuff, run errands, make tea...When the physical makes a move on my emotions they comfort me, let me vent, hold my hand, make me laugh...when the emotions start to effect me spiritually they pray like crazy.

This week the F bomb has made me house bound. I can count the number of times I have left the apartment on one hand. I am going stir crazy and shack wacky. I have had tears of boredom, frustration, pain, exhaustion, fear and loneliness. Tonight I have had just about enough.

I don't like to be treated differently. I don't like to make a big deal out of it. I don't like to be showered with sympathy. I don't like explaining myself millions and millions of times. I don't like to sit on the sidelines watching so many times when I am unable to participate. I don't like the possibility that I might not accomplish all my goals and dreams because my body can't take it. And I especially don't like to be told that this chronic, life long condition is going to be gone by the time I leave Panama, and that maybe I haven't prayed enough about it, or maybe it is still around cause my faith is lacking, or maybe I really haven't surrendered it to God. As if those are the only possibilities for why I have a lifetime long condition and the person next door doesn't. I never asked for this.

But...

I have stopped asking God to take it away. Don't get me wrong, I believe God can, I have surrendered it to Him, and not a day goes by when I am praying that I don't PRAISE Him for it. Yes, I praise Him for the F bomb. When I get out of bed in the morning and am able to walk without pain, or when I swim laps and am able to push myself, or when eat a meal that doesn't make me feel sick, or when I have aches and pains that go away without meds, or when it keeps me up multiple nights in a row and I can still function, I know that it is God's strength and not mine. There is not one day that goes by when I am not reminded of who is in control and who carries me through each day. There is not a day that goes by that I can do on my own strength and I would rather spend my life married to the F bomb than forget who shows their strength in my weakness.

For those who are curious about what exactly is the F bomb is more commonly known as Fibromyalgia, I am not in anyway referring to the more socially common use of the term.

INTRODUCING...

...MY NEW ROOMMATE!!!

So one of the things I am looking forward to when returning to Halifax is living with one of my best girlfriends! Senorita Tricia and I met a little over a year ago through a mutual friend, though it feels as if I have known her forever. I am going to be sad not living with my STINT girls, they are such a support emotionally and spiritually, but knowing that I am moving in with such an awesome friend and amazing woman of God gives me a lot of peace about moving back to Halifax. I am so blessed to have her in my life and as of July 1st sharing an apartment.

Tricia and I
(Our home for one night...we camped in a cardboard box to raise money for the homeless)

DAD CAME TO VISIT!!!

So Dad was here last week for a few days. We had an awesome time together. Went to my soccer game, crossfire barbecue, national league baseball league, the canal, church, toured the old city, and hiking through the inner city rain forest. The rest of the time we just hung out and made fun of each other...couldn't have
been a better time! Here are a couple of photos from the weekend!

SOMETIMES LIFE IS JUST THIS GOOD...

What you are seeing here is my clothing one floor down and two floors down!

What you are seeing her are my pants hanging over the edge over top of Panama City!

Disculpe la molestia,

alguna ropa del apartamento 9B cayó en el balcón suyo. Lo apreciaria muchisimo si me la puedes traer a mi apartamento. Si no estoy, la podrías dejar en la puerta.

Lo agradezco,

Sarah

TRANSLATION

Some of my clothing has landed on your balcony. I would really appreciate it if you brought it to my apartment for me. If I am not home, you can leave it at the door.

Thank you.

Yes...sometimes life is just this good. I have laughed so much tonight at the craziness of this situation. I left my laundry drying outside when I went out tonight and when I came home some was on the floor of the balcony, some was one floor down, some two floors down, and tonight somewhere after flying high over Panama City my undies are gonna land where some poor sucker is least expecting!! LOL. I have gotten back the stuff that landed one floor down. My roommates and I were laughing so hard the people below came out to see what was going on, and passed what had landed on their balcony back to me. I am leaving a note on the door two floors down hopefully that will get the rest back!

When I think about the situations that I get myself into that are just plain hilarious, they seem to out number the rest. I am convinced this is a good thing. Though tonight I do have to run some clothes through the washer twice...

THE BEAUTIFUL GAME

Something that goes hand in hand with being a member of the Hunter family is soccer. My family takes the game pretty seriously, and I might have just offended some members in my family by referring to it is as "a game", in the Hunter house it is much more than that...it is a lifestyle. Now...here is the thing, I haven't played much since grade 11, nothing really except pick up on the field in the back yard with my siblings (Yes, my Dad built a field in our back yard). This is a serious sin in my family, ranks right up there with blasphemy. So as you can well imagine, not playing has been a pretty big deal.

But I have changed from my sinful ways, and like the prodigal son, have returned back to the beautiful game. I joined a team here in Panama, and was welcomed lovingly by the girls. The soccer is nothing serious, and the skill level is pretty mixed, but I am loving it. I scored twice last week, my knees are currently scabs only, and I have discovered a few muscles that I forgot that I had, so we're off to a good start!

(ME AND THE OTHERS GETTING SET TO PLAY ON FRIDAY NIGHT)

Thursday I am going to play with some guys from my church. I have been promised that it is pretty intense, so I am a little nervous, but looking forward to it in a big way all at the same time. I am planning on more humbling schooling and bruising than I got on Friday night. But I am pumped for that also, cause what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and you have to get schooled to get better.

Disclaimer: My parents have been and are fully supportive of my siblings and I exploring and getting involved in activities outside of soccer. My family also does take our faith seriously, and any comparison is in pure fun. I am no way mocking Christianity, but my family who I love very much and who will understand exactly what I am talking about. Please take this post with a grain of salt.

ON THE FLIP SIDE

One week ago I posted on this thing, feeling less than encouraged, sleep deprived, unable to focus, a little lonely, scared, and disheartened. I was short $10 000.00 needed to complete this year, and had been made aware of one too many support raising miracle stories, and wondering when my "miracle God story" was going to happen. Instead of being encouraged, I was jealous.I had spent maybe 10 hours in 10 days outside the walls of my apartment and was going a little stir crazy. A "good nights sleep" was lasting about 4 hours, and my coffee maker had broken to top it off! Instant coffee is brutal in the best of times, and from my point of view, I was dead center in the middle of the worst!

But, here I am one week later, posting from the same seat, alone in the apartment with my computer and worship music playing accompanied to those same muffler-less buses and I have a totally new outlook from where I was one week ago.

My ministry will always have different seasons. For as long as I am in ministry there will be ups and downs, there will days when all I see through the haze is spiritual attacks and days when nothing is clearer to me than God's glory. Today, I am able to see God's glory shining much much brighter than I could a week ago. And I wonder how I could ever miss seeing something so powerful it at all, and realize that I didn't miss God's glory, I just chose to over look it like it wasn't there at all.

About a week ago during a sleepless night I accidentally woke one of my roommates by singing in the middle of the night. I was singing a beautiful song by Hillsongs, Through It All. That night my song was a claim on a promise that we have from God, that He will never leave us, never forsake us, and see us through it all. The song goes like this.

You are forever in my life You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand and lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You
I will sing to You, Lord A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me, I'm carried in everlasting arms, You'll never let me go

Through it all

Today I am sitting with a steaming cup of coffee from my new coffee maker, a purchase that I held off making until I knew I would be staying in Panama until my intern year is up. I still have more to raise, but I know that it is coming. It was a faith purchase. No one else in my apartment drinks coffee as much as me, so unless I stay, the broken machine would not have been replaced. I am trusting that the God who has provided thus far will continue to provide for me as He continues to see me through it all.

Late Nights...

It is 12:41am Tuesday February 19th. I desperately want to sleep, but it just won't come. I think I have committed myself to one more late night/early morning of support raising. Why can't I focus in the afternoon around say, 2:30pm...a much more civil hour. For some reason and I have no clue what that is, I am focusing better these days after the clock strikes 12 midnight.

Everyone else in the house has gone to bed, I am alone with my computer, some worship music, my Bible, and the sound of buses without mufflers rumbling down the street. I am sipping ice water and hot tea, wishing I had remembered to buy soy milk when I was out earlier, a bowl of granola would be awesome right now. Oh well, I'm not the hungry anyways.

In my head I am starting a list of everything I could be doing right now; cleaning my room, choreographing a dance, making soup, getting ahead on some reading, painting my toe nails...where is sleep on that list? Oh yeah...it isn't there.

My playlist has been repeating the same 20 songs for about 36 hours straight now...still not bored of them. My Bible is opened to Ezekiel, sometimes I find the Old Testament hard to read, tonight I am just not awake enough to get anything that I can apply to my life from it...I am going to read through some of Mark, focus on the red letters. I'll pick up where I left off in Ezekiel tomorrow.

Is this spiritual warfare? I don't know. But I know that I need to do my part to allow God to work so I can stay here in Panama. I have 146 emails to send to supporters in the next 24 hours. And darn it, I forgot to phone my Dad like I promised. Make that 147 emails.